Panel Questions

May 6, 2017
Originally published on May 6, 2017 12:37 pm
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz, and I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Luke Burbank and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill sings lead vocals with Third Eye Rhyme...

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Oh (laughter).

SAGAL: ...For our Listener Limerick challenge. I think I just killed Luke.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Oh, my God. I wish you would step back from that pun, my friend.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, though, panel, it is time for a new game that we are calling...

KURTIS: Complete The Headline.

SAGAL: If you cannot guess how this game works, I'm a little worried about you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We're going to read you the first half of a real headline we saw this week. You just tell us the end of the headline. Do that, you get a point. Ready?

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Yes. Yes.

SAGAL: It's, like, exit row. I need a verbal assent.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I'm sorry.

ROBERTS: Yes. Yes. Yes.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, what was I thinking?

SAGAL: Oh, never mind.

BURBANK: Hundred percent.

SAGAL: All right. Paula, you're up first.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, my heavens. I'm under such pressure.

SAGAL: Paula, here's your headline from MSN.

KURTIS: Police called after cat in tree appeared to...

SAGAL: The cat appeared to...

POUNDSTONE: Pick stocks.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Police Called After Cat In Tree Appeared To Be Holding Assault Rifle."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So ridiculous. It wasn't an assault rifle. It was a sporting rifle the cat uses for hunting...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...As its family has generations. Actually, it was a stick that looked like a gun to somebody.

POUNDSTONE: You know, I got 14 cats. Not one of them can tote a gun or pick a stock.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I'll tell you, though, the only answer for a bad cat with a stick is a good cat with a stick.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: We all know that.

SAGAL: Luke, here's yours. From an Australian newspaper...

KURTIS: Proposal ends in tears after...

SAGAL: What?

BURBANK: Entire nation finds out they're criminals.

SAGAL: No. "Proposal Ends In Tears After A Woman Gets Bitten By Venomous Snake Moments After Getting Engaged."

BURBANK: Oh.

SAGAL: Fortunately, before the snake could attack the groom it was taken out by a cat sniper.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's one for you, Roxanne, from London's Telegraph newspaper.

KURTIS: Man who ordered gluten-free meal on flights is...

ROBERTS: Dead.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Man Who Ordered Gluten-Free Meal On Flight Has Given A Single Banana - And Cutlery To Eat It With."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Paula. Last one. Finish this headline from The Daily Mail of London.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

KURTIS: Funeral goers watch in horror as...

POUNDSTONE: A corpse rises from the coffin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. "Funeral-Goers Watched In Horror As Ceremonial Dove Is Released And Flies Directly Into Oncoming Truck."

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I saw that.

SAGAL: A subsequent headline read, at funeral for ceremonial dove, second ceremonial dove is much more careful.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Bird got Randy Johnsoned (ph).

(SOUNDBITE OF PRINCE SONG, "WHEN DOVES CRY") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.