Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Mar 24, 2018
Originally published on March 24, 2018 8:54 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows at Tanglewood in Massachusetts on June 21 and at Wolf Trap right outside D.C. in July 19.

Plus, our first ever Wait Wait Jr. show for kids is a week away, Saturday, March 31, at the Athenaeum Theatre in Chicago. We'll let adults in, too, if you promise to behave. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

RICHARD HERNANDEZ: Hello.

SAGAL: Hello. Who's this?

HERNANDEZ: This is Richard from Mesa.

SAGAL: Hey, I've been to Mesa. How are things there?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Were those tears of joy or resignation? What was that?

HERNANDEZ: It was a little bit of both.

SAGAL: I understand.

ADAM BURKE: Apparently, Richard's up to something.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Richard, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

HERNANDEZ: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I won't reach the overhead bin. No. All the germs will steer clear of my skin, though. On planes, there's a trick to not get too sick. Avoid contact and sit by the...

HERNANDEZ: Window?

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes. Good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Research out this week...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Says sitting by the window reduces the chance that you will catch an illness on a plane. It makes sense. On the aisle, there's more people going by, you know, the drink cart. There's screaming people getting dragged up the aisle on United flights.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Kicks up all kinds of germs in the carpet. But at a window seat, you're only exposed to the guy in the middle and the Gremlin on the wing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Researchers say that if you're forced to ride in the middle or aisle seat, there are ways to safeguard yourself from catching an illness. For one, always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. Most importantly, stay away from the guy who orders a Cipro on the rocks from the drink cart. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: At Sonic, our slushies might prickle. We know that your taste buds are fickle, so come drink your fill of some nice kosher dill. Our slushies are flavored with...

HERNANDEZ: Pickle.

SAGAL: Yes. Pickle.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Sonic, known for their burgers, frozen treats and very well-cast commercials - they're rolling out a pickle slushie this summer. Finally, a story for people who got a window seat but still want to feel sick.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sonic considered a Tide Pod flavor but decided to go for something a little bit grosser.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: People are into it. Pickle-flavored things are now apparently quite the rage. A food writer from Food & Wine magazine even called it, quote, "surprisingly delicious."

RASHAWN SCOTT: Who spearheaded that?

(GROANING)

SCOTT: Thank you. Thank you so much.

KURTIS: (Laughter).

(APPLAUSE)

SCOTT: It is my dream to have a groan from you.

BURKE: You should've had that joke marinate a little longer...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sure it was somebody from - coming up with that is their bread and butter.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: All right. We don't need to garnish this anymore.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, I relish it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: It's fame on TV that we chase, so my friends and I keep touching base. We have matching lips and surgical snips. We all have the very same...

HERNANDEZ: I want to say lips?

SAGAL: Lips is actually in the limerick, but it's a hint to the answer, which rhymes with chase and base.

HERNANDEZ: Face.

SAGAL: Face. Yes. Very good...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Face.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Television watchers have noticed what people are calling reality face because reality TV stars, like the Kardashians, the "Real Housewives," others - they're opting to have the same plastic surgery procedures, causing all of them across all their programs to start to look exactly alike.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, my - ugh.

SAGAL: Yeah. They have the same face...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...The same lips...

DICKINSON: They...

SAGAL: The same eyes, the same withered soul.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Do any of them even - the women, anyway, have short hair? It's like they all have...

SAGAL: No, they all have the same hairstyles...

DICKINSON: ...The tresses.

SAGAL: ...Too. Yeah. The whole thing, yeah.

DICKINSON: It's really...

SCOTT: It's not enough for a scrunchie.

SAGAL: According...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: You never see a scrunchie on those shows. That's for sure.

BURKE: I love that they've all decided to do this just as Apple figured out facial recognition...

SAGAL: I know.

BURKE: Damn it.

SAGAL: We're basically mass-producing these people because who hasn't watched "Real Housewives" and thought, you know, we should make more of them?

SCOTT: Are they kosher if you keep regenerating...

BURKE: Apparently. Yeah.

SAGAL: It's all artificial. Bill, how did Richard do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Richard did 3-0. Good going.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Richard. Well done.

HERNANDEZ: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, and congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CAN'T FEEL MY FACE")

THE WEEKND: (Singing) I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it. But I love it. I can't feel my face when I'm with you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.