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Lightning Fill In The Blank

May 13, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game. It's Lightning Fill In The Blank. You know how it works. Each of our players will each have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Alonzo and Mo each have two. Negin has three.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, we have flipped a coin and Mo has elected to go second, so Alonzo, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Senate Intelligence Committee issued a subpoena for former national security adviser blank.

ALONZO BODDEN: Flynn.

SAGAL: Yes, Michael Flynn.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, North Korea accused the CIA of plotting the assassination of blank.

BODDEN: Their leader.

SAGAL: Whose name is...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I didn't you were going to get technical about it. Jong - Kim Jong Il.

SAGAL: Kim Jong - I'll give it to you. Kim Jong Un it was.

BODDEN: Un. Il, un.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, journalists were banned from investment events in China run by the sister of senior White House adviser blank.

BODDEN: Jared...

SAGAL: Oh, he's like the jewelry company. He just - one name is all we need, Jared Kushner.

BODDEN: Kushner, yeah.

(LAUGHTER, SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Moon Jae-in took the oath of office as the new president of blank.

BODDEN: South Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Calling him a threat to national security, the Ukrainian government has banned blank from their country.

BODDEN: Trump?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, Steven Seagal. According to ER doctors, this year saw a huge spike in blank injuries.

BODDEN: Head injuries?

SAGAL: Avocado slicing injuries. According to a new study, common painkillers have been linked to an increased risk of blank.

BODDEN: Pain.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Heart attacks. As a tribute to his recently deceased friend a new yorker is traveling to ballparks across the country and blanking.

BODDEN: Eating a hotdog for him?

SAGAL: No, he is flushing his friend's ashes down the ballpark toilets.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: That's a friend.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is a friend. Tom McDonald has taken it upon himself to honor his friend's life as a baseball fan and a plumber by traveling to stadiums across...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All true. He's traveling to stadiums across the country to dispose of his - a little bit of his friend's remains in a toilet in each park. While some people may find this tribute strange, it's like the old saying, ashes to ashes, flush to flush.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got four right. That's eight more points for him. He has a total of 10. And he's in the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: OK, Mo, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the appeals court heard arguments on Trump's revised blank.

MO ROCCA: Travel ban.

SAGAL: As he likes to call it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed a bill banning so-called blank cities.

ROCCA: Sanctuary.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Sinclair Broadcasting confirmed a $3.9 billion bid to purchase blank.

ROCCA: Tribune.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A sword-wielding man attempting to rob a store in Pittsburgh fled the scene empty-handed when the shopkeeper blanked.

ROCCA: When the shopkeeper pulled out a bigger sword.

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, officials in Nevada announced the state would begin selling recreational blank this summer.

ROCCA: Marijuana.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new study released this week found that a blank-free diet may actually increase the risk of obesity.

ROCCA: A gluten-free diet?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, people in Britain voiced their outrage about the country's new five pound note, claiming that it blanks.

ROCCA: That it smells bad.

SAGAL: Close. They complained that it cuts their noses when they use it to snort cocaine.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The new five pound notes are made out of a unique polymer that makes them waterproof, tear-proof and apparently fun-proof.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to a handful of very sweaty people who were talking very loudly, if you attempt to use the new bills to snort coke, it'll leave small cuts in your nose. This is true.

ROCCA: Say - say 'ello (ph) to my little chum.

SAGAL: Exactly. Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he got six right. That's 12 more points. He has a total now of 14 and the lead.

SAGAL: All right then, so how many does Negin...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good, Mo. How many, then, does Negin need to win?

KURTIS: Six to win, Negin.

NEGIN FARSAD: Let's do it. Let's do it.

SAGAL: All right. Fill in the blank, Negin. While she was giving a commencement address at a historically black university, students booed...

FARSAD: Betsy DeVos.

SAGAL: ...And turned their back on education secretary...

(LAUGHTER, SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Betsy DeVos. On Thursday, President Trump announced a panel to review possible blank fraud.

FARSAD: Election fraud.

SAGAL: Close enough, voter fraud...

FARSAD: Voter fraud.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Trump said he would consider releasing his blanks but only after leaving office.

FARSAD: Tax returns.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After her cheating husband demanded half of their life savings, a woman in Columbia blanked to prevent him from getting any.

FARSAD: Drove off in her Mercedes.

SAGAL: No, she ate $14,000 in cash.

UNIDENTIFIED CROWD: Oh.

FARSAD: Of course. That's what I would have done.

SAGAL: Of course. On Wednesday, the U.S. announced it was banning blanks on all inbound flights from Europe.

FARSAD: Laptops.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Finishing ahead by more than two lengths, Always Dreaming won the 2017 blank.

FARSAD: Kentucky Derby.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A police department in Oklahoma, attempting to trick drug users into turning themselves in this week offered to blank.

FARSAD: Offered to give them drugs.

SAGAL: No. They offered to test their meth for gluten.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: At least they're not going to be obese.

ROCCA: Exactly. Exactly.

SAGAL: On their Facebook page, the Tecumseh, Okla., police department posted the following message. Quote, "we are offering free testing for gluten-laced meth. Please bring your meth to the Tecumseh Police Department for your free test." This is great for many meth users who have a hard time finding a restaurant where they can eat, both because of the gluten and all the surfaces that are covered with spiders.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Negin Farsad do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, she got 13 points, but it's still one short of Mo's 14.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Oh, Mo.

KURTIS: He's the champ.

SAGAL: You outlasted her.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.