Lightning Fill In The Blank

Apr 22, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Mo and Faith have five, Jeff has four.

SAGAL: So, Jeff, according to our rules that means you go first.

JEFF GARLIN: OK. Let's go, daddy-o.

SAGAL: Here we go. You're in third place. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, the Trump administration announced it would keep visitor logs for the blank private.

GARLIN: For the privates.

SAGAL: (Laughter) No, the White House. After Democrat Jon Ossoff failed to get 50 percent of the vote, a runoff election for a House seat in blank was announced.

GARLIN: Are you asking me?

SAGAL: I am, Jeff.

(LAUGHTER)

GARLIN: Oh, no, no. I thought you pass it down.

SAGAL: No, no. These are all for you, Jeff.

GARLIN: Sweden.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, Georgia. On Wednesday, most members of the Super Bowl-winning blanks visited the White House.

GARLIN: Patriots.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A group of Virginia teenagers attempted to break into a car in the street, were surprised to find blank inside.

GARLIN: A family.

SAGAL: No, a cop sitting in the driver's seat. The cop later referred to the teens as, quote, "kind of stupid."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the design for Apple's new blank leaked to scathing reviews.

GARLIN: IPhone.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ranchers in Canada were puzzled after they caught a beaver on their property blanking.

GARLIN: Dancing.

SAGAL: No, herding their cattle.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: Oh, right.

GARLIN: Like I would get that. Like that would...

SAGAL: Faith is nodding. Faith knew.

FAITH SALIE: One hundred...

ROCCA: I knew, too. I heard it, too.

SALIE: That one beaver herded 150 cows.

GARLIN: Oh, you read about this?

SALIE: Yep.

ROCCA: It was a big story.

SALIE: I'm always up on beaver news.

GARLIN: In what, Breitbart?

SAGAL: No, according to the ranchers, they were initially alarmed when they spotted 150 of their cows - right? - moving in unison. Where are they going? What's going on? But their fears were quickly relieved when they discovered that the cattle were just being shepherded by a beaver, you know, just like normal.

SALIE: I'm telling you, Peter, beavers get it done.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

GARLIN: Can I say, in reference to this game...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GARLIN: Even if I knew how it was played and what was happening, I would have done the same.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, there you are. I'm glad, then, that we didn't waste time telling you how it works. It wouldn't have done any good. Bill, how did Jeff Garlin do on our quiz?

GARLIN: Two?

KURTIS: Jeff got two right.

SAGAL: Hey.

KURTIS: Hey. That's four more points. He has a total of eight. And guess what? He's in the lead.

SAGAL: There you are.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We flipped a coin. Mo, you're up next. Fill in the blank. According to the president, House Republicans are close to a new deal for repealing and replacing blank.

ROCCA: Obamacare.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, newly confirmed Supreme Court justice blank heard his first case.

ROCCA: Neil Gorsuch.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, ISIS claimed responsibility for a shooting at the Champs-Elysees in blank.

ROCCA: Paris.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Chance the Rapper, Jordan Peele and Ivanka Trump were among the people named blank magazine's most influential people of 2017.

ROCCA: Time magazine.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in South Dakota was fined for walking his blank without a leash.

ROCCA: Fined for walking his - oh, geez. In South Dakota, a man was walking - it's not going to be cattle. It's going to be sheep.

SAGAL: No, it's going to be a python.

ROCCA: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A giant python. After a pregnancy that stretched on for months and was live streamed online, April the giraffe finally gave birth and then promptly blanked.

ROCCA: Well, all the - like, all that amniotic fluid just went everywhere. It was great. But she - oh, she went shopping. No. She went on vacation. She went to a spa. She - she had the kid...

SAGAL: You had the kid and then shortly after she kicked her vet in the crotch, on camera of course. According to the zoo, the vet is fine. And he now has a brand-new metaphor for whenever anything terrible happens to him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he got four right, and eight more points...

ROCCA: This is bad.

KURTIS: ...Total of 13. He slips into the lead.

SAGAL: All right then.

GARLIN: I wouldn't call it slipping.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, he stomped his way into the lead.

GARLIN: He's in the lead like a big giraffe who just kick somebody in the balls.

SAGAL: How many does Faith need to win?

KURTIS: Four to tie and five to win.

SAGAL: Faith.

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: This is for the game.

SALIE: All right.

SAGAL: This week, British Prime Minister blank called for a surprise election on June 8.

SALIE: Theresa May.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, leading House Republican blank announced he would not seek re-election in 2018.

SALIE: Jason Chaffetz.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: West Virginia became the 29th state to legalize medical blank.

SALIE: Marijuana.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Runners from Kenya swept both the men's and women's races at the blank on Monday.

SALIE: Boston Marathon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Disney released the first trailer for the latest movie in the blank series.

SALIE: "Star Wars"?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, a professional tennis match in Florida was delayed due to blank.

SALIE: Sex sounds.

SAGAL: You're exactly right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...As I knew you would be. Play-by-play commentators at the Sarasota Open originally thought that the sound was coming from someone watching TV in the stands. Thankfully, they realized the noises were coming from a nearby apartment. The couple's weird grunting noises soon quieted down, allowing spectators to focus on what was really important, the weird grunting noises being made by the players.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Did you watch it?

SAGAL: I did not.

SALIE: It's fantastic. The...

GARLIN: Is there a recording of it?

SALIE: You can watch it on YouTube.

GARLIN: Oh, I'm going there.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: And the guy stops playing tennis. The tennis player stops and he yells, it can't be that good.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Maybe she was giving birth to a giraffe. We don't know. Bill, did Faith do well enough to win?

KURTIS: She needed five, she got six.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Hey. Faith, then, is this week's champion.

KURTIS: Total of 17, she wins.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Faith.

SALIE: Thanks. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.