For years, one of the pieces of advice we've been ignoring is that we should really cut back on our salt intake. Now, a panel of experts convened by the Institute of Medicine says limiting salt below a certain amount may not really do us any good. Around here, we take this to mean: Eat as much salt as you can or you'll die.
So, we've created The Saltwich, made with the saltiest foods we could find. Salami, bacon, pickles and salt-and-vinegar potato chips, on salty pretzel bread. Salt to taste.
Ian: There's so much salt around my mouth, you could serve a margarita in me.
Eva: This sandwich is great for soaking your sore feet in.
Robert: I know we wanted to get as many salty things on this sandwich as we could, but I'm grateful that we drew the line at Lot's wife.
Eva: My insides are well-preserved for the winter.
Ian: This reminds me of my favorite '90s all-female rap crew, Salt-n-Salt-n-Salt-n-Salt-n-Pepa.
Mike: I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all the deer that just came out of the woods to lick me.
Peter: This sandwich tastes like it just ran a half-marathon in the heat.
Peter: The good news: We've all been coated with so much salt, we could be slaughtered and still be kosher.
Ian:You might say Sagal is potassium nitrate right now. CHEMISTRY JOKE.
Robert: Sodium is abbreviated as "Na" on the periodic table. Coincidentally, that's exactly what I should have said when I was handed this sandwich.
[The verdict: Surprisingly delicious, with an unsurprising painful salt aftertaste. Bacon and pickles have a bright future together, with the right counterpoint.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.