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Limericks

May 12, 2018
Originally published on May 12, 2018 7:41 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924 - or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show on June 21 at Tanglewood in the Berkshires.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KAREN ADAMS: Hi, this is Karen Adams from St. Peters, Mo.

SAGAL: Hey, where is St. Peters, Mo.? I don't know it.

ADAMS: We are about half an hour from St. Louis.

SAGAL: OK. So what do you do there?

(LAUGHTER)

ADAMS: I am a middle school ancient history teacher.

SAGAL: Hey.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We're getting a lot of middle school teachers this week. I enjoy that.

HELEN HONG: History.

ADAMS: Yeah.

SAGAL: But you said an ancient history teacher? I imagine to middle schoolers, that would be, like, the 1980s, right?

ADAMS: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What are you - are you actually teaching, like, ancient history, like, ancient Egyptians?

ADAMS: Yeah. Ancient Egypt, pretty much the Stone Age through native Americans.

SAGAL: What's their favorite part? Like, mummies or, you know, human sacrifice?

ADAMS: Mummified hot dogs - they liked that.

SAGAL: Wait a minute. You mummify hot dogs?

JANELLE JAMES: ...These kids?

ADAMS: Yeah. Yeah.

JAMES: (Laughter).

SAGAL: How do you mummify a hot dog?

ADAMS: You put it in baking soda and just let it dry out.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Does Mitt Romney know about this?

SAGAL: Funny, when I studied ancient Egypt, I thought it was a more elaborate process, but all right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Karen, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis right now is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

ADAMS: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, HOST:

In order to blossom most fully, we need soil but don't want to be sullied. Some schoolyard tests showed if you want us to grow, please speak kindly to plants and don't...

ADAMS: Bully.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Bully. Do not bully the plants.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Plants don't like it when you're mean to them, it turns out.

HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Students in Dubai raised two identical plants for a month. One they praised - ha ha, you're so funny. We should hang out more. You smell great. The leaf wilt looks great on you. And the other plant they bullied. You call that a stamen? More like a lame-n (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: At the end of the month, the bullied plant was wilted, and the other plant had a thousand new Instagram followers. It was named the official spokesplant for Melania Trump's Be Best initiative.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: The artworks think people are rude. They're undressed by our eyes as they're viewed. But in Paris we've learned the tables are turned, and the people see art in the...

ADAMS: Nude.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In the nude.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Palais de Tokyo Art Museum in Paris held a special tour of its collection just for nudists. It must've been a busy day for the coat check, which suddenly became an everything check.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The event apparently is very popular. Apparently, it was also very cold. Attendees reported that everyone had to keep jigging and jumping up and down to stay warm. You can imagine what that looked like.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm not sure if I want to be naked around a bunch of people who are critiquing nudes. Oh, excuse me, sir. I thought you were a Picasso.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: Having worked at nudist events, I have to tell you, in my experience, people who are anxious to get naked really shouldn't.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's always the rule.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I think, however, we need to pause and say to Alonzo, what?

BODDEN: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've done comedy at nudist - I've worked everywhere, Peter. There's nothing I haven't done.

SAGAL: I understand that, but for some reason, understanding that conceptually - that you've worked everywhere - did not extend to my mind to nudist colonies.

BODDEN: Yeah. I'm not nude, but...

SAGAL: Oh, I...

BODDEN: ...But the audience is.

JAMES: So you got to do the dream where you imagine the audience nude and it was real.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Yeah.

SAGAL: All right, Karen. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Because we are not newlyweds, we need quiet when resting our heads. For sleep to sink in, we will try out some twins. We are sleeping in separate...

ADAMS: Beds.

SAGAL: Yes, separate...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Beds. A survey...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Conducted by the National Sleep Foundation shows that 25 percent of married couples sleep separately, as well as 100 percent of current presidents.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sleep specialists say that couples who choose to sleep in different rooms get a deeper sleep, giving them more energy to dedicate to their spouse and family and more blanket that no one can ever, ever take away.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Turns out that one of the reasons this works better for married couples or partnered couples is that loud snoring is often a problem, and in many cases separate beds is a better alternative than murder.

JAMES: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Bill, how did Karen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Perfect score...

SAGAL: Congratulations.

KURTIS: ...Three straight.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Karen, thank you so much for playing.

ADAMS: Thank you.

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ROCK-A-BYE BABY") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.