Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Apr 7, 2018
Originally published on April 7, 2018 8:45 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link at our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill., and our upcoming shows at Tanglewood on June 21 and at Wolf Trap, right outside of Washington, D.C., on July 19. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LARKIN PODSIEDLIK: Hi. This is Larkin calling from Ithaca, NY.

SAGAL: Hey, Larkin from Ithaca. How are you?

PODSIEDLIK: I'm good. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm well. Larkin is a lovely name. Does it have a particular origin?

PODSIEDLIK: Yeah. My parents were big hippies, so I'm named for the meadowlark bird.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's both lovely in and of itself, and it could've been a lot worse.

(LAUGHTER)

PODSIEDLIK: Yes, that's true.

SAGAL: Well, Larkin, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis now is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play?

PODSIEDLIK: I guess so.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Since my briefs are so cleverly cut, I have got much more bounce in my strut. They help shape my glutes into bubbly, round beauts. Yes, these briefs add some heft to my...

PODSIEDLIK: I'm going to say butt on NPR.

KURTIS: You're right...

SAGAL: You just did it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: (Laughter).

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You did it. And somewhere, Governor John Kasich just decided to cut our funding after all.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes. Butt of Rounderbum. It's a new brand of butt-lifting underwear for men. It's now one of the Top 5 best-selling brands on Amazon and the only thing about the company our president still endorses.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Seriously. Have you seen him in shorts? The butt, the male butt, is uplifted by carefully placed elastic and by lots of sincere encouragement. Reach for the stars, butt cheeks. You can do anything. I mean, is it...

PETER GROSZ: Is it a butt bra for a man?

SAGAL: It sort of is...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: OK.

SAGAL: Apparently, I...

GROSZ: Because that's a good also another alternate name - male butt bra.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: It's more sort of a kind of corset...

GROSZ: Corset?

ROBERTS: ...Because of...

SAGAL: Corset.

ROBERTS: Yeah, because it's kind of (vocalizing), you know?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: (Vocalizing)?

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Uplift, yeah.

ROBERTS: (Vocalizing).

SAGAL: I mean, who hasn't wanted male butts to be higher...

BLOUNT JR.: Sure.

SAGAL: Who hasn't seen a plumber bend under a sink and say to themself, I want more?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Larkin, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Yes, honey. The dinner's delicious. But I cannot agree to your wishes. Mere days from the altar, most married folk falter. We fight over who does the...

PODSIEDLIK: Dishes.

SAGAL: Yes...

KURTIS: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Oh, Larkin, you say that with some knowledge.

(LAUGHTER)

PODSIEDLIK: Not at all.

SAGAL: Science has proven now that the very worst part of a relationship is not fighting over money or kids. It's doing the dishes. Women who wash the majority of the dishes at home report more conflict and less sex in the relationship, while the men didn't report anything because the scientists asked them to fill out the survey, and the guys just threw it in the sink and said, I'll do it later.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The study is from the Council of Contemporary Families. It shows that men and women who wash and dry the dishes together actually strengthen their bond by completing an unpleasant task side by side. So if your couples therapist is getting too expensive, just go, both of you, and join a chain gang.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Larkin. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: My eyebrows are having a race, and my cheeks are both bouncing in place. Slack skin's a concern that I'm trying to firm with workouts that tighten my...

PODSIEDLIK: Face.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Face yoga.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In our continuing coverage of stupid trends in yoga, we now bring you face yoga, the latest excuse to wear yoga pants without really needing them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And face yoga is designed to sculpt and tighten the muscles in your face, you see, to make you look younger and more vibrant. Classes are offered at New York's new FaceGym, just different than your standard EverythingBelowTheNeckGym (ph). And you get sessions with a personal face trainer who contorts and kneads your face for 70 bucks an hour. If that feels steep, you can simply contort your face at home by opening your refrigerator and just sniffing what's in the Tupperware at the way back.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Larkin do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Larkin will sleep good tonight because she scored on every one.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

PODSIEDLIK: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Larkin.

PODSIEDLIK: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I'M A BELIEVER")

STEVE HARWELL: (Singing) And then I saw her face. I'm a believer. Not a trace of doubt in my mind. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.