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Limericks

Mar 10, 2018
Originally published on March 10, 2018 7:22 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Austin, Texas, on May 3 and at Wolf Trap near Washington, D.C., on July 19. Plus, our first ever Wait Wait Junior - like WAIT WAIT but with actual kids instead of people who just act like them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's on March 31 at the Athenaeum theatre right here in Chicago. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LEIA O’GORMAN: Hi. My name's Leia. I'm calling from New Jersey.

SAGAL: Hey, New Jersey, my ancestral home. Do they still talk about me there?

O'GORMAN: Definitely.

SAGAL: Absolutely. Don't tell me what they say. What do you do there?

O'GORMAN: I'm a freelance sculptor. I'm currently a float technician for Macy's Parade.

SAGAL: Get out.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Wow.

SAGAL: You are - you design - you build the floats for Macy's Parade?

O'GORMAN: I do not design. I just help build for the moment.

SAGAL: But it occurs to me the Macy's Parade is only one day a year.

O'GORMAN: Yes.

SAGAL: So, well, you're lucky that our president likes parades. So there'll be more.

(LAUGHTER)

O'GORMAN: Exactly.

SAGAL: Well, Leia, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

O'GORMAN: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I like beaches, but pools are a threat. So this swimsuit's the best I can get. I get hotter and hotter but won't touch the water. I can't let this swimsuit get...

O'GORMAN: Wrecked.

SAGAL: Yes. No. Wait a minute. That's not exactly right.

O'GORMAN: Wet.

SAGAL: Oh, right. Wet. That's it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Wet. According to the ASOS company, its new swimsuit has a studded neck line and bardot sleeves. And we'll read further down the list of features. You get a high-cut leg and quote, "cannot be worn in water."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it's not so much a swimsuit as a sadly-watching-other-people-swim suit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This got a lot of attention on the Internet, as you can imagine, a swimsuit that you cannot wear in the water. You're supposed to figure out how waterproof it is, I guess, before you use it. Like, when you buy it on Amazon, it says customers who bought this also bought an actual swimsuit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Leia, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Over me all my screens hold a power. More than 59 minutes per hour. Good for me, this new curtain keeps addiction from hurting. I could now use my phone in the...

O'GORMAN: Shower.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE FO BELL)

SAGAL: You say that with such sadness, Leia.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes. It's so frustrating. Everybody knows that you get to spend every second of your day staring at your wonderful, beautiful phone, except for those horrible wasted minutes that you have to spend taking a shower.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, that nightmare has ended thanks to the Screen Holder Shower Curtain. It works just like a regular shower curtain. But it has clear pockets to hold your iPhone or iPad. So you can experience every text, tweet, Snap, Gram and have the world's worst FaceTime call. I'm kind of busy, Mom.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I don't care if those folks call me crazy. You're a good boy for sure and not maybe. My beautiful puppy will never act uppy (ph). I'm talking to him like a...

O'GORMAN: Baby?

SAGAL: A baby.

KURTIS: Baby.

SAGAL: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Research that came out this week shows that the best way to communicate with your dog is also the most embarrassing way - baby talk. We all know what I'm talking about, that little idiotic voice that very intelligent people use every time they see a dog. Oh, who's a good girl? Oh, did you have a good potty? Did you have a good potty? Right now my dogs are looking at the radio right now and going, (vocalizing).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Scientists from the University of York tested speech patterns on dogs. And it turns out they're more likely to interact with higher-pitched voices and/or voices that smell like bacon.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: Well, I'm glad you put in part B, or I'd never talk to a dog again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I know. The discovery could be insightful for those of you who just don't have a good relationship with your dog. Maybe, you know, talk to them differently and not the way you usually do. The question, Charlie (ph), in regard to being a good boy, are you, or are you not?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Leia do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Leia worked it out for a perfect score.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We'll look for your work on Thanksgiving.

O'GORMAN: Thanks.

SAGAL: Thank you, Leia. Thanks for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BABY TALK")

ALISHA: (Singing) Baby talk. We can work it out. Baby talk. I know without a doubt. Baby talk. We can work it out. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.