Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Jan 27, 2018
Originally published on January 29, 2018 9:09 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Hartford, Conn., on March 15. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JOSH MCDEVITT-SPALL: Hi. This is Josh from Fort Wayne.

SAGAL: Hey, Josh. How are things in Fort Wayne?

MCDEVITT-SPALL: A little bit cold.

SAGAL: Yeah, it gets that way this time of year in Fort Wayne. What do you do there?

MCDEVITT-SPALL: I sing in a rock band.

PETER GROSZ: No.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So wait a minute. We had another guy who is a singer in a rock band. What's your rock band called?

MCDEVITT-SPALL: The 1947 California Cupcake Company.

(LAUGHTER)

BIM ADEWUNMI: It's catchy as hell.

GROSZ: Are you...

SAGAL: So I'm guessing not punk rock then.

MCDEVITT-SPALL: No. Acoustic comedy.

ADEWUNMI: I'm into it. I'm into it.

SAGAL: Yeah. It's like jokes you can dance to.

MCDEVITT-SPALL: Exactly.

SAGAL: There you go. Well, welcome to the show, Josh. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job, of course - you know this - you have to fill in the last word or phrase. Do that two times - you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

MCDEVITT-SPALL: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: On hot days, those poor kids condemn the shade. Street dealers - it's time we give them an aid. Let's not cause them grief for their cool thirst relief. In Wisconsin we'll legalize...

MCDEVITT-SPALL: Lemonade?

SAGAL: Yes. Lemonade.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

KURTIS: Lemonade.

SAGAL: Lawmakers in Wisconsin...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Plan to clean up the mean streets there by passing a bill to legalize lemonade stands in that state. Without a proper permit, it was previously illegal to sell lemonade on the street. It also goes by the street names zing juice...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Yellow belly, tongue tang and sweet pea.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So apparently, they didn't know they needed this law. But then in 2011, a stand run by two young girls were shut down by police in Wisconsin because they didn't have the correct food-handling license. You think that's overkill. But they were also selling Crystal Light.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So now it's legal. Go ahead, Wisconsin little girls and boys. Sell lemonade.

ADEWUNMI: I think it's good. I think - you know, I come from a land where we have to be, you know, mean and terrible to our children to build them up. And I think arresting 11-year-olds truly is the way forward.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You think so?

ADEWUNMI: It's the only way they'll learn.

SAGAL: Exactly.

ADEWUNMI: You know that sullen teenager in Greece?

SAGAL: Yes.

ADEWUNMI: Wouldn't have happened if she'd been arrested age 11.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Resentments I'd rather not nurse. So some expletives I shall disperse. When I'm down on my luck, I say bleep, bleep and bleep.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Then I'm happy because I've freely...

MCDEVITT-SPALL: Curse.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It turns out happiness is a four-letter word. Or it comes from them. At least, that's what some S-hole Science magazine published this week.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to the research, when we curse, our body releases endorphins. Our circulation increases. And our mouths are much cleaner because we wash them out with soap.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: They've done studies that show that people who curse more have higher IQ.

SAGAL: Exactly right. So instead of saying, he swears like a sailor, we should say he swears like a nautical engineer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Josh. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I'm pushing for all that I'm worth. Yet my labor pains strike him with mirth. He just might understand if I'm crushing his hand. It'll help ease the pain during...

MCDEVITT-SPALL: Childbirth.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Well, birth. Fine, you throw in an extra syllable. Who cares? The best thing you can do, it turns out for - according to a new study, the best thing you can do for your partner during childbirth is hold her hand. So the best thing you can do is the least thing you can do. A new study out of Colorado University shows that holding your partner's hand during childbirth significantly lessens the pain in labor while significantly increasing the pain in your hand.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Oh, yeah.

GROSZ: You know what? Somebody should sell husband's hands at hospitals.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: You know, on the way in you just hold them, and you squeeze them. And it's just - your husband is, like, holding that. And he's like, uh-huh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, that's great news.

GROSZ: Keep squeezing the rubber hand.

SAGAL: You can help your partner with childbirth, and you can play "Candy Crush" with your other hand instead.

(LAUGHTER)

ADEWUNMI: I have a question, though. So if swearing helps reduce pain, and squeezing your partner's hand also helps, does it help you swear like a nautical engineer while also holding onto your partner's hand?

SAGAL: Oh, absolutely.

SALIE: I can answer that. Yes.

ADEWUNMI: Wonderful.

SALIE: Yes.

ADEWUNMI: I'm taking notes. I literally - OK. I'm going to get pregnant tomorrow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Josh do on our quiz?

KURTIS: What a good job. He got them all right - 3-0.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. Josh, thank you for playing.

MCDEVITT-SPALL: Thank you, Peter.

SAGAL: Take care. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.