Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Jan 20, 2018
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the Contact Us link at our website - that's waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in South Bend, Ind., on Feb. 8 and Hartford, Conn., on March 15. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JENNIFER: Hi. This is Jennifer (ph) calling from Richmond, Va.

SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Richmond?

JENNIFER: Cold and snowy.

SAGAL: Oh, really? You're having - you must not be too used to snow in Virginia. Am I right?

JENNIFER: We just don't deal with it very well.

SAGAL: No. What do you do? Do you, like, try to secede from the Union when it snows? I...

(LAUGHTER)

JENNIFER: Not me. I'm coming with you guys.

SAGAL: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jennifer, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

JENNIFER: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Chopping veggies I no longer shun, hon. I'll choke back my tears like Paul Bunyan. I will not sniff and gulp from a layer-rich bulb. They're growing an anti-tear...

JENNIFER: Onion.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You know how onions make you cry, whether you've chopped one or just watched one grow up so fast.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anyway, those days are over. This onion is an incredible achievement in food science. It keeps you from crying by not releasing that chemical that makes you cry and by running over and turning your radio off whenever StoryCorps comes on.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: I can tell you there are many different remedies if you are somebody prone, as I am, to crying around onions, and one is drinking red wine at the same time. It will help you. It's true.

SAGAL: Oh, is it, now?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: It is. It's true.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: But don't you eventually cry because of the red wine?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick, Jennifer.

KURTIS: Got my face in my kitty's midriff. Run around, and I take a deep whiff. Nothing is grander than snoot-fulls of dander. I'm showing my love with a...

JENNIFER: Sniff?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A sniff.

ROCCA: Ugh.

SAGAL: It's a hellish thought for anyone with allergies, but the latest craze among young people in China is cat-sniffing.

ROCCA: Ugh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Throughout the day, cat-sniffers bury their faces in their cats' fur, inhaling...

ROCCA: Ugh.

SAGAL: ...Dander and mites - who knows what else? Fans say the cats smell like babies or fresh-baked bread, which only proves that these people are really bad at baking bread.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: What part...

POUNDSTONE: What's the...

ROCCA: ...Are they sniffing?

POUNDSTONE: No, the belly. But why?

ROCCA: Oh.

POUNDSTONE: What's the point?

SAGAL: I just love that - that Mo's like, well, what part are they sniffing? And Paula's like, well, the belly. But...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: They didn't say that.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, yeah, he did - in the first line.

ROCCA: Oh. All right.

POUNDSTONE: The midriff.

ALONZO BODDEN: He did say that.

SAGAL: Well, that was...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Cats have midriffs?

POUNDSTONE: Yes.

BODDEN: Yes.

SAGAL: That was in the limerick.

ROCCA: Are they wearing, like, little halter tops?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: They do. They have midriffs.

SAGAL: Apparently, this is, like, a thing, and they're putting it on YouTube - just videos of them sniffing the cats.

POUNDSTONE: I'm sure I've sniffed a cat's belly before, but I wouldn't rush home from work to do it.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: This is...

BODDEN: Well, we sit here laughing at them for sniffing cat bellies while our kids are eating Tide pods.

ROCCA: Right. Exactly.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: I just don't understand. Because if there's a way of, like, getting high from it or having some sort of, you know, euphoria from cat-sniffing, I have 14 cats. I will do it.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Maybe it gives you some sort of immunity.

SAGAL: Yeah, I don't know. Go home and give it a try, Paula. Tell us how it goes.

BODDEN: After hearing this story, there's no way you're not going to sniff...

ROCCA: Yeah.

BODDEN: ...One of your cats.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yes, that's a good point. Right now, I'm deciding which one.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: For meat sauce, I'm often quite cravey (ph). The boats it's served in are my navy. This juice of the bird can be shaken or stirred. I'm infusing my cocktails with...

JENNIFER: Gravy?

SAGAL: Yes, gravy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: KFC - you know them - they're encouraging customers to take home its gravy and use it to make cocktails.

ROCCA: Ugh.

POUNDSTONE: Ah.

ROCCA: A gravy-tini (ph)?

SAGAL: Indeed.

POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: All of that makes me think, you know what, vegans? You're right. We are monsters.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I concede. KFC created three drink recipes to hand to your favorite and/or grossest mixologist - the Gravy Mary, the Southern Twist and the No Sex On The Beach Or Anywhere Ever Again.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wow, that does sound gross.

SAGAL: It is.

ROCCA: So you mix it - you can mix it with different alcohols?

SAGAL: You mix it with different alcohols, and you get kind of - apparently, there are now actual cocktail recipes involving, like, bone broth. Like, if you can use bone broth, why not gravy?

BODDEN: I want to know what's going on in that lab.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: You know, it started out with some herbs and spices, but now they've gone just too far.

SAGAL: Yeah. First the herbs and spices. Then they were sniffing cats. Now they're mixing gravy and vodka. It's terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do?

KURTIS: Jennifer did great. Congratulations, Jennifer. You got them all right.

SAGAL: Well done, Jennifer. Thanks so much...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...For playing. Thanks for joining us.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "GRAVY")

DEE DEE SHARP: (Singing) Come on, baby. I need gravy. Give me, give me, give me, give me gravy tonight. I know you dance the mashed potato fine, but that don't show me that you're really mine. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.