Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Oct 7, 2017
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website at waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Seattle on November 30 and December 1.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

TRACY LAIRD: Hi, this is Tracy Laird from Decatur, Ga.

SAGAL: Hey. How's...

ROY BLOUNT JR: Hey.

SAGAL: Hey.

BLOUNT JR: Hey.

LAIRD: Hey.

SAGAL: Did you know who was born and raised in Decatur, Ga.?

BLOUNT JR: Not born.

LAIRD: I do.

BLOUNT JR: Oh, how are you doing? Where in Decatur...

LAIRD: Hello. My children went to Decatur High - one of them still going to Decatur High School as we speak.

SAGAL: Roy, are you a graduate of Decatur High as well?

BLOUNT JR: I am, yes.

SAGAL: And do they have any recognition of that fact at Decatur High there, Tracy?

BLOUNT JR: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: I always thought it'd be nice if they had a statue of me in the town square. But I kept trying to negotiate, and I finally got down to they could have a statue of a horse in the town square. And when I was in town, I could sit on it.

(LAUGHTER)

LAIRD: I'll lobby for one if I can...

BLOUNT JR: Good. Yeah, yeah.

SAGAL: Do what you can, Tracy. Do what you can. Well, welcome to the show, Tracy. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

LAIRD: OK. Ready.

SAGAL: All right, let's hear your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I try to be healthy and hale. I eat dark leafy cabbage but fail. Subsisting on salad is no longer valid. I'm sick because I ate too much...

LAIRD: Kale.

SAGAL: Yes, kale.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Bad news, all our listeners.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Kale - kale - kale, that leafy green superfood that looks and feels like a plastic plant used to decorate more homes in housing developments may actually be bad for us. There is, it turns out, a chemical in raw kale that can mess with our hormones. It causes goiters.

HELEN HONG: What?

SAGAL: Yeah. And it makes us all lie to our friends about how much we love eating a leatherlike mutant lettuce...

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: You know, what I...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...That could be used to sand your deck.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: I eat a lot of kale. And I feel, like, a goiter coming on right now...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: ...Now that you've said it.

SAGAL: The trick is, do you eat it raw?

HONG: I do eat a lot of raw kale.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HONG: What is a goiter?

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: It's a thing that hangs down here on your neck like this...

HONG: Oh, I feel - oh, gosh.

BLOUNT JR: ...Terrible thing.

BABYLON: But if you, like, slice it off and grill it in butter, it's like...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

HONG: Gross.

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Online shopping has helped me to scrimp. But I stay in and muscles go limp. And on top of stagnation, there is no confrontation. I home shop and now I'm a...

SAGAL: Rhymes with scrimp and limp.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Limp muscles, kind of weak.

LAIRD: A wimp.

SAGAL: Yes, a wimp.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It turns out...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...That a new study says that for many Americans, carrying groceries and shopping bags is the only exercise they get.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And thus, thanks to online shopping, the only exercise we get now is fighting through the five layers of packaging Amazon sent our headphones in.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: It used to be six, but too many people collapsed before they got through to the final layer. The authors of this alarming study say that to get back in shape, you should use Amazon's special cardio delivery service where the truck just beeps its horn and you have to chase it down the street.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: I swear I thought the answer was shrimp.

SAGAL: Really? It's possible.

BABYLON: I thought it was pimp.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Tracy. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: From birth until she gets her first molar, I must monitor, hold and patrol her. But now I can be mostly carefree and hands-free because I got this new self-driving...

LAIRD: Stroller.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: How about that?

SAGAL: The folks at tech company Smartbe know raising a baby is a real pain in the A, so they've created the first self-driving stroller. No more pushing your baby around - that's the stroller's job. It uses advanced motion tracking technology you control via an app, which means you get to keep your attention where it belongs, on your phone.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wait. You just open the door, and you let the stroller out on its own?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm not quite sure. But I think...

HONG: And you just stay at home while the stroller goes out...

SAGAL: Yeah.

HONG: ...For 15 minutes?

SAGAL: I guess so. I think you walk alongside it, and it's self-propelled...

HONG: Oh, you walk alongside it. Oh, OK. I was like...

SAGAL: ...Looking at your phone, operating it. This $3,000 stroller is packed with features, including a bottle warmer, turn signals, a webcam, a cellphone charger and an alarm, which is super convenient if your baby gets stolen while you're looking at photos of your baby on NPR's Facebook page.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tracy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Tracy's bagged three in a row.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

KURTIS: All right, Tracy. Thank you.

BLOUNT JR: OK, Decatur.

SAGAL: Hometown pride. Thanks for representing. Thanks, Tracy.

LAIRD: All right, thanks.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HERE I GO AGAIN")

WHITESNAKE: (Singing) Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known. Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.