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Limericks

Sep 23, 2017
Originally published on September 23, 2017 7:33 am
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, It's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Dayton, Ohio, and Minneapolis, Minn.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

NICKE CUTLER: Hi, Peter Sagal. I'm so excited to talk to you.

SAGAL: I'm excited to talk to you, too. Who's this?

CUTLER: This is Nicke Cutler, and I'm calling from Twin Falls, Idaho.

SAGAL: Twin Falls, Idaho. And what do you do there?

CUTLER: I'm a hospice social worker.

SAGAL: Oh, you are. Well, I've always heard that work isn't as grim as it might sound, that it's actually quite a lovely place to be and to meet the people there. Is that right?

CUTLER: It is. And, actually, I was in the dentist's office with my kids the other day, and the lady was cleaning my kid's teeth. And she's like, I can't believe you could ever do that. And I was like, you're cleaning the stuff off of my kid's teeth. Is it really?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Touche. Touche, Nicke. Touche. Well, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

CUTLER: I'm so ready, and I'm so excited to hear Bill Kurtis talk to me, too.

SAGAL: Well, wait a minute.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, the limerick stylings of Bill Kurtis.

BILL KURTIS: When his face is the shape of a pear, he will honor and treat you with care. But when width equals height, he's just good for one night. Men will cheat if their face is too...

CUTLER: Square.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, too square.

KURTIS: All right.

SAGAL: A study linking male college students' sexual behavior to the shape of their faces shows that men with wider, shorter faces have higher sex drives and engage in more short-term relationships. That's right. Thanks to science, we finally know that college men are sluts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the worst of them - total bad news - that Spongebob guy in Econ 101.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM BURKE: Hey, does this mean that everyone in Legoland is just putting all their pegs anywhere?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Nicke. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Since you can't read the message I blink, to my wristband, my brain waves will sink. It's telepathy typing with eye rolls for swiping. My wristband will text what I...

CUTLER: Think.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Think. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A wristband that will text what you think. A tech startup has announced that by 2020, they will be marketing a wristband that can read your thoughts and type them out for you, which means you'll only have about two years left to enjoy your weird thoughts in private.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the way it works, they say, is that the technology in the wristband will read the signals in your wrist muscles that fire when you just think about typing. Imagine explaining how this works to your grandma. No, Nonny. You just think about the poop emoji.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Nicke, you have one more limerick. Here we go.

KURTIS: This jar is my Jewish old realtor's wish. It's a gourmet fine smoke to the filter dish. Beige dumplings of pike will get a price hike. We're selling some high end...

CUTLER: Gross, disgusting fish.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll give it to you. You're right.

KURTIS: Absolutely right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ding, ding. Although technically, it's called gefilte fish. Just in time for the Jewish High Holy Days, it's artisanal gefilte fish. If you're unfamiliar with this delic-atrocity (ph), gefilte fish is an appetizer traditionally prepared by a rabbi with a cold who puts a piece of pike or carp in his mouth and then sneezes it out through his nose into a Manischewitz jar.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Childhood trauma coming back for me. But according to The Wall Street Journal, picky eaters are forcing fish producers to offer fancier gefilte fish recipes. There's now something called premium gold gefilte fish. There's gluten-free gefilte fish. And the most exciting - gefilte fish-free gefilte fish.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: You know, there are some weeks when the limerick guy really phones it in. And then there are other weeks where he has to rhyme gefilte fish.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: And he really earns his money.

SAGAL: That's where he earns his pay.

Bill, how did Nicke do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, Nicke is now the queen of the hospice. Congratulations, Nicke.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Nicke. Well done. Thank you so much for playing. It was great to talk to you.

CUTLER: My pleasure. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.