Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Aug 12, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it is the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click a contact us link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill. And if you are a fan of Paula Poundstone right here, be sure to check out...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And you are. Be sure to check out her new podcast, Live From the Poundstone Institute, wherever you get your podcasts. This week, Paula learns what big cats have in common with house cats and why you should always carry a huge ball of yarn in case you're ever attacked by a lion.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

BECKY PHILLIPS: Hi, this is Becky from Madison, Wisconsin.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Madison?

PHILLIPS: They are going great.

SAGAL: I'm glad. So you're there during the summer. Are you a student there?

PHILLIPS: No, I am actually a scientist - former graduate student at the university.

SAGAL: Oh, what kind of science do you do?

PHILLIPS: So I work for a contract research organization.

SAGAL: Yeah.

PHILLIPS: I essentially make sure that drugs that are going through FDA approval process stay stable and safe.

SAGAL: All right. I'm going to ask you a question. Expiration date on over-the-counter medicines...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...True or a terrible lie making us buy more medicine?

PHILLIPS: That is actually true. That's part of what we do at my company.

SAGAL: I'm just standing here marveling that I am still alive.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Becky. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

PHILLIPS: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I know how annoying it feels to be running around in high heels. I will smooth out my gait with the help of these skates. My stilettos are fitted with...

PHILLIPS: Wheels.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For those of you...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Who found high heels just too easy to walk around in, Yves Saint Laurent this week unveiled high-heeled shoes with roller skate wheels attached. Think of it as a more slapstick version of ancient Chinese foot binding.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's unclear if these shoes are actually wearable or just intended for one last joy ride before you die.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: What - yeah, who are these marketed to? I mean, who...

SAGAL: Well, these are the kind of things that these designers unveil at these fashion shows to attract attention.

POUNDSTONE: Uh-huh.

SAGAL: And it's unclear if they will ever be sold to the public.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, I see.

SAGAL: But I hope they are.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Because that would be great, especially here in a hilly city like San Francisco.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My drug test says finito basta. Now I'm off of my tennis team's roster. Tortellini and sauce are to blame for this loss. I have failed because I ate mama's...

PHILLIPS: Pasta.

SAGAL: Pasta. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Italian tennis player Sara Errani is not the first professional athlete to fail a drug test, but she is the first as far as we know to blame her mother's tortellini. And here's the thing. It worked. She was only given a two-month suspension after she told the doping committee that her mother had left some of her letrozole pills by the cutting board as she was making her special tortellini alla A-Rod.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: So they were some - the mother was making - what? - a sauce. She's chopping tomatoes...

SAGAL: Presumably, yeah.

POUNDSTONE: ...And accidentally she knocks over the bottle...

SAGAL: The bottle of medicine...

POUNDSTONE: ...Of medicine...

SAGAL: ...Which is a banned substance.

POUNDSTONE: ...And the lid that takes five minutes to open on a good day...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...Happened to fly off...

SAGAL: Pops open.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, that - yeah, OK.

POUNDSTONE: Mother doesn't notice and presumably doesn't...

POUNDSTONE: Doesn't notice at all. Chop, chop, chop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. Yeah.

ROY BLOUNT JR: And there's a little Italian guy down in there somewhere.

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: Be careful what fragrance you cork - whiffs of hot dog stand and moo shu pork. Other notes from the lab - subway steps and old cab. It's our candle that smells like...

PHILLIPS: New York.

SAGAL: New York. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You got it. Why should New Yorkers be the only ones lucky enough to bask in the scent of urine and sewer gas?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: French fragrance company diptyque Paris has created the New York scented candles so everyone can make their homes smell like a Brooklyn stoop on a hot August garbage day.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The candle costs $70, but for the same price, you can just buy a Greyhound ticket to Grand Central Station and sit by the bathroom.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Becky do on our quiz?

KURTIS: How about that? Becky got them all right.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: What a winner.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Becky, and congratulations.

PHILLIPS: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "NEW YORK GROOVE")

ACE FREHLEY: (Singing) I'm back, back in the New York groove. I'm back, back in the New York groove. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.