Valley Public Radio - Live Audio

Limericks

Apr 29, 2017
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and at the Mann Center in Philadelphia, Pa., on June 29.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

CASEY ANDERSON: Casey Anderson from Frankfort, Ky.

SAGAL: Well, hello, Casey Anderson. How are you?

ANDERSON: I'm doing well. Thank you.

SAGAL: Now, Frankfort is the capital of Kentucky. Is that right?

ANDERSON: That is correct. A lot of people get that wrong. But that's right.

SAGAL: That's - I didn't.

(LAUGHTER)

ANDERSON: You didn't.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Casey. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks you will be a winner. You ready to play?

ANDERSON: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Watch the neckline, try not to detach it. Keep that axe from my skin, please don't scratch it. My hair is close-cropped. It is literally chopped. He is cutting my hair with a...

ANDERSON: Hatchet.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, you knew this.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A stylist in Russia became Internet famous for cutting women's hair with a hatchet. The hatchet hairstylist, as he is known, says using the small axe is easier than scissors and says he had to, quote, "study geometry to perfect the process."

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, I bet.

SAGAL: I don't know about you, but I would find it reassuring to know that the man swinging an axe near my face knows exactly what a rhombus is.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: I want people to think I'm a stud, but outdoor work's not in my blood. I'm too much in a rush to go clear my own brush, so I bought some jeans caked with fake...

ANDERSON: Mud.

SAGAL: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Jeans caked with mud already. If you're going for that fresh, just-found-face-down-in-a-ditch look...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Nordstrom has the jeans for you. They cost $425.

DICKINSON: Oh, my...

TOM BODETT: No, no.

SAGAL: They come coated in mud.

DICKINSON: Real mud?

BODETT: This is real?

SAGAL: I don't think it's real mud because real mud would come out and this is permanent. It's like permanent mud stains.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Oh, it's permanent mud. Oh, no.

SAGAL: It's a great way to prank your dry cleaner.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Yeah, what?

SAGAL: You still can't get these out? Try again.

BODETT: I mean, you'd think - like, if you're going to think through a $420 purchase that you would go that far with it, OK, let's walk through this, you know? Yeah, you go to the bar. Oh, yeah, you got this story. The girls say, hey, look, a working man. I kind of like myself little blue-collar action, you know...

SAGAL: Well, I mean, if you think about it, it make sense because when I was a kid we just had jeans. And then you had pre-washed jeans. And then you had distressed jeans that often came with tears in them, new from the store. Now we have jeans that are covered with mud. Next, by 2022, bloodstained jeans.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Right, exactly.

BODETT: The only thing that could be next is jeans that you just take home and throw away.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: Right, exactly. That's right.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The emperor's new clothes are now here. My new pants break a fashion frontier. I must keep them clean so my skin can be seen. I got plastic jeans that are...

ANDERSON: Clear.

SAGAL: Yes, clear.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In another story about pants.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This time it's clear jeans. Clear jeans or pantsless pants are completely see-through. They do. They have stitched on jean details and are designed to help people quickly remember what underwear they chose that morning.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: So it's like your mom has to get out the Windex to, like, wash your...

SAGAL: Pretty much. Sort of clear, plastic fake jeans.

BODETT: I seem to remember an item on this show not long ago about clear knees on pants.

SAGAL: Yeah, so this one step. So we - these are jeans that had sort of clear insets over the knees...

BODETT: That movement has accelerated...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now the whole thing.

BODETT: I think designers - like, they get drunk and they're just all together at a bar, and they say, I bet we can get them to wear clear pants.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I mean, watch. I bet we could do it.

DICKINSON: It's like...

BLOUNT JR.: Show those to Alexa she says, really?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Casey do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got every one right. Good going, Casey.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Casey, well done. Thanks so much for playing, Casey. Take care.

ANDERSON: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW")

JOHNNY NASH: (Singing) I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.