Limericks

Feb 18, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Dallas, Texas, on March 23, and tickets for our first-ever show in the city of Denver, Colo., at the Buell Theatre on April 6. They go on sale Monday, so do not miss out. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

HONOR RUFFER: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

RUFFER: This is Honor from Archbold, Ohio.

SAGAL: Where is Archbold?

RUFFER: Well, Archbold is in the northwest corner. We're about 40 minutes from Toledo.

SAGAL: Oh, wow.

RUFFER: We only reference Toledo as a way of telling people what corner of Ohio we're in. We really don't care much for Toledo.

SAGAL: Oh, really?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, like, you're like, minimum distance, 40 miles.

RUFFER: Right. Right.

SAGAL: Right. I'm sorry, hang on. Excuse me.

RUFFER: Bless you.

SAGAL: Hang on.

RUFFER: Here comes another one.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BILL KURTIS: Can you see us?

SAGAL: Ladies and gentlemen, she called my snot.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let's try this again. Honor, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. And here's your first limerick.

RUFFER: OK.

KURTIS: While the boss has a green and a putter, of my tchotchkes and mugs she's a gutter. I find a clean desk inhumane and grotesque. I'd work better if I had some...

RUFFER: Oh, I got it. It's clutter.

KURTIS: Clutter.

SAGAL: It is clutter, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Corporate overlords have been cracking down on messy desks saying they hurt productivity, leaving you nothing but a phone and a computer, maybe if you're lucky a clock ticking away the remaining minutes of your futile life. No more family photos or cat calendar, which means you'll have to tell yourself to hang in there. However, according to new research, this doesn't work. Productivity is increased if people have personal items on their desk. You know, it gives you incentive. Five more spreadsheets and then I get to come home to you, torn-out picture of the cast of "Big Bang Theory."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here we go. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: The 18-plus crowd now exults 'cause Burger King toys get results. With this duster and mask, we're up to the task. Our meal includes toys for...

RUFFER: Adults.

SAGAL: Yes...

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: ...Adults.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

RUFFER: No.

SAGAL: Yes. Burger King in Israel did its best to ruin Valentine's Day this year by offering adult Happy Meals with a, quote, "adult toy," which sadly does not mean a mint Boba Fett action figure still in the box.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After 6 p.m. on Tuesday, BK offered Happy Meals for adults 18 and over that came with burgers, fries, a couple of beers and fun, flirty adult toys like a blindfold, a feather duster and something terrifyingly called the real Whopper.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Oh, God.

SAGAL: If your tastes were simpler you could just stop at In-N-Out Burger, I guess.

(LAUGHTER)

ALEXANDRA PETRI: Or Shake Shack.

SAGAL: Exactly. Here is your last limerick, Honor.

RUFFER: OK.

KURTIS: Most love affairs end in a spat. Put a fine crystal dish on a mat. Tuna Friskies will go with a lovely purlot (ph). Get some wine that is made for a...

RUFFER: Cat.

SAGAL: Yes, cat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Cat it is, yes.

RUFFER: Yes.

SAGAL: Instead of spending tonight drinking alone with just your cats, now you and your cats can drink alone together. The New York Times reports wineries are starting to make a special wine just for cats. For example, Apollo Peak winery offers both Catbernet and a Pinot Meow for $12 each...

BODETT: Oh, God.

SAGAL: ...Which is a small price to pay to get your cat to pretend to like you.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: The Finns are going to need a new word for this.

ROY BLOUNT JR: Yeah.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Honor do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Honor warmed up to a total victory. Congratulations, Honor.

SAGAL: Well done, Honor.

RUFFER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks for calling.

RUFFER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks for playing. Enjoy your voicemail. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.