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Lightning Fill In The Blank

Nov 11, 2017
Originally published on November 11, 2017 9:53 am
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can - each correct answer now worth 2 points. Bill, can you give us the score?

BILL KURTIS: I can. Tom has 6, Roxanne has five, and P.J. has 2.

SAGAL: All right. So that - P.J., that means you are in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question.

P.J. O'ROURKE: All righty.

SAGAL: Fill in the blank. Here we go, P.J. This week, the governor of Maine said he would not implement an expansion of blank approved by his voters.

O'ROURKE: Medicaid.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, it was reported that people making under $50,000 a year would pay more under the GOP's new blank bill.

O'ROURKE: Tax.

SAGAL: Right. On...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Wednesday, the Trump administration announced new travel and trade restrictions...

O'ROURKE: Cuba.

SAGAL: ...For blank. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To prevent college football fans from rioting after a game last weekend, police in East Lansing, Mich., threatened revelers with blank.

O'ROURKE: Super-gluing them to their seats.

SAGAL: No, they threatened them with spoilers for Season 2 of "Stranger Things."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll arrest you. We'll put you in a cell. We'll have spoilers taped to the wall. You'll be...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Worked. A new report published by 13 federal agencies named blank as the primary cause of climate change.

O'ROURKE: People.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, it was reported that disgraced producer blank had hired corporate spies to keep track of his accusers.

O'ROURKE: Harvey Weinstein.

SAGAL: Right, exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

SAGAL: After a worried resident reported finding a World War II-era bomb...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...In his garden, police in Germany were relieved to discover that it was actually blank.

O'ROURKE: What the hell would it be?

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: I don't know, somebody - an old lamp or something.

SAGAL: No, it was a particularly large zucchini.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The 81-year-old man...

O'ROURKE: I wasn't going to get that, Peter.

SAGAL: I know. The 81-year-old man who owned the garden spotted the bomb in the morning and immediately called police. After the bomb squad arrived, they quickly discovered that it was a 16-inch zucchini someone had tossed over the fence. I believe the man then asked the officers to defuse his tomato vines...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Which somehow had been covered in hundreds of tiny grenades.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did P.J. do on our quiz?

KURTIS: P.J. took the lead with five right, 10 more points - total to 12.

SAGAL: All right, congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So Roxanne, you are up next. Please fill in the blank. This week, it was reported that special counsel Robert Mueller had enough evidence to bring charges against former national security adviser blank.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Michael Flynn.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, senators announced a bipartisan plan to stop domestic abusers from purchasing blanks.

ROBERTS: Guns.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, a Spanish court officially tossed out blank's declaration of independence.

ROBERTS: Catalonia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Before they would approve AT&T's bid to buy Time Warner, U.S. regulators allegedly demanded the company sell blank.

SAGAL: CNN.

SAGAL: Right. This week...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...A detective in Kansas City called off an interrogation after the suspect responded to a question with blank.

ROBERTS: He farted a lot.

SAGAL: He did. After pleading...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Guilty to desertion...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...a military judge ruled that blank would not serve any jail time.

ROBERTS: Bowe Bergdahl.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, Shalane Flanagan became the first American woman to win the blank since 1977.

ROBERTS: The New York Marathon.

SAGAL: Yes, the pride of Marblehead. A man in Germany was arrested by police this week...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...After they detected that the bulge in his pants was actually blank.

ROBERTS: It was a small python.

SAGAL: You are amazing, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In what seemed like a terrible joke come to life, police were giving the man a pat-down when they noticed, quote, "a significant bulge" in the man's trousers. He insisted it was neither a banana in his pocket nor was he excited to see them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Instead, he was carrying a 14-inch baby royal python in his jeans - if you know what I mean.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, he had a giant snake in his pants.

ROBERTS: His main squeeze.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Ooh, good.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Roxanne do?

KURTIS: An historic total - eight right, 16 more points - the highest score I've seen in three years, 21.

SAGAL: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Tom...

TOM BODETT: Are you going to seriously put me through this?

SAGAL: Yes.

O'ROURKE: Tom, why do we even get out of bed to come over here?

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So how many does Tom need to win?

KURTIS: He needs eight to win.

SAGAL: All right. Here you go. You've got to go perfect.

BODETT: All right.

SAGAL: Here we go, Tom. This is for the game. This week, it was reported that the gunman in blank had briefly escaped a mental health facility in 2012.

BODETT: Texas.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Syria announced plans to join the blank accords, leaving the U.S. as the only country to not support the deal.

BODETT: The climate...

SAGAL: Right.

BODETT: ...Accords.

SAGAL: On Thursday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Rene Boucher pled not guilty to assaulting his neighbor, Senator blank.

BODETT: Rand - yeah, Rand Paul.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Saudi Arabia accused Iran of trying to start a war by providing missiles to blank.

BODETT: Yemen.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, police in Texas are asking for help locating three armed robbers who held up a donut shop and blanked.

BODETT: Gave donuts to the customers.

SAGAL: That's what they did.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Lin-Manuel Miranda revealed that he would return to starring in the musical blank for performances in Puerto Rico.

BODETT: "Hamilton."

SAGAL: Right. This week...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Pope Francis announced that he had banned the sale of blanks at the Vatican.

BODETT: IPhones.

SAGAL: Cigarettes. A sheepdog puppy in Devon, England, eager to prove his worth, rounded up a flock of sheep...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...And then blanked.

BODETT: Made them march like the Rockettes.

SAGAL: No, he led them into the farmer's living room.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Bad dog, bad dog.

SAGAL: Rosalyn - or really good dog. Rosalyn Edwards was working in her kitchen when she heard a commotion and was stunned to find Rocky, her 7-month-old sheepdog puppy, standing there with nine sheep.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to Edwards, I thought it was funny at the time. But there was quite a lot of wee, poo and mud everywhere.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For those interested in seeing this filthy video, you can find it in YouTube under the title 9 Sheep, 1 Pup.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

KURTIS: So close. Six right, 12 more points - 18. And Roxanne is still the winner.

SAGAL: There you are, Roxanne.

(APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: You know, 18 points usually wins this game.

SAGAL: Not against Roxanne.

BODETT: Put her there, Roxanne.

SAGAL: Destiny was behind her. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.